so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
