I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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