he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
