dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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