U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
