just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
