I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
