so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
