Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
