I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
