My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
