You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
