She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
