Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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