You really coming over, don't trick.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
