First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
