I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
