Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Help me help you realize you are a moron
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
