cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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