You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
