Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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