from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Are my feet made of real feet?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
