she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
