Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
