It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
