The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
