i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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