hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
