so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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