don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
