i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
