My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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