we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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