He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
