Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
