i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
