just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
