You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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