Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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