You made me cry and you don't even care
im having a threesome with these popsicles
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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