Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
