I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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