I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
