So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
