Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
