she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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