im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
