im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
