My first STD was from a foam party
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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