Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
